You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
