North Korea, Best Korea!
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
