You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
