I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
