So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
