Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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