everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
you have to choose: penises or morals?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
