you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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