I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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