I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
