fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
