I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
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