I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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