You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
