i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
where am i from again
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
