my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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