Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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