Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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