Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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