I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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