the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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