paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
