Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
