what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
