Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Who wears a wallet chain?!
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
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