Please, let me fuck your mom
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
