when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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