I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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