I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
