my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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