who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
