Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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