just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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