DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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