i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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