Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
