Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
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