Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I deserve this hangover.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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