My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
