I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Randomize
