It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
