I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
