Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
