we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
