I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
