ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
