Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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