I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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