Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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