eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
